freaky38

REALLY  from the friday wen  my brain screwws suddenly went haywire .....wen i shackle up my room..i learn 10 things (kindda lk moses 10 commentdments, )

1)messiness is a by product of people who have lost their pride on peaceful thoughts and prettiness.

2)procrastination are people who scared of doing things too fast they lost the period where they pause and play and play.3)kindness are the ones that you see people rushing to rescue when the rest just reel in understanding .

4)comfortable are those that can walk the streets without wincing below and witness the people in front of them

5)believe are when people says something is so silly and you still thinks it is all serious business , that they did not know.

6)hope is the time when you want to turn back,and think its all trying then somebody comes along and tease u.

7) control  can only be gained if you grip your hands and greeting others very graciously to get the green light from them.

8)
9)
10)

fill in yourself

Shit,   now i know what is really peer pressure, 

smoking in coffeshops,
rites of passage booze  ------johnie walker

thats when i start to pick bad habits

smoking my own pack, 
sniffing my perfume ---theres alchool content right ?

Just dont get picked up on thse habits -- if not i risked getting addicted.and alos getting found out.
 
then i heard my friend experience more of this things , heard his full story .

However i got into this, so enjoy the ride , Let Go FRou FRou <<drink up baby down .are u in or are u out. leave ur things behind,........Just get in ,ist so amazing here, cos theres beauty in the break down,>>

Never  in the toiling period after the detriment, of olvl and of those time, i finally ,no not finaly, but grasaped it
i lost my emotional baggage. some word had simple inspired me, i dunnoe what or how, but it was saturday morning, that my uncle came and spewed some advice -Sag-Capricorn, (not forced listened, maybe his sincerety and my willingness )   aniways it melded, my plans and hopes and his advice , the sun in capricorn and my Venus/Mars/Jupiter aspecting (opposes) Saturn ->all of these points to  wisdom, structure -rules and regulations, maube habits are going to be regulaated.

And also abt the time it happened ,the skies have been plotted-and counting on Nov 1

Whenever Neptune is exceedingly strong, strange forces are on the prowl. That's what's happening this weekend as Neptune -- at 22 degrees of Aquarius -- ceases retrograde motion and turns direct (11:40PM PDT). [Neptune remains in forward motion until May 28, 2009 when it will once again go into reverse at 27 degrees of Aquarius.] All Neptune themes and archetypes -- dreams and visions, psychic sensitivity, spirituality and religious beliefs, creative imagination, oceans and sea creatures, oil and global economic currents, photography and film, music and dance, confusion and chaos, illusions and deceptions -- are intensified now and over the next few days. While inspirations can be occurring around the clock, it's wise to steer clear of signing legal documents, making long-term commitments and buying large-ticket items. You also have to contend with another Neptunian event -- a Sun-Neptune parallel (8:25AM PDT) -- that can either increase your psychic abilities or create a massive fog penetrating your life path and key communications. On the positive side of the ledger, the Moon makes its monthly union with Venus in Sagittarius (12:37AM PDT). This lunar rapport with Venus is a boost for romance, business and artistic expression, but it cannot neutralize the uncertainty developing under Neptune's hazy aegis. In the meantime, your productivity in crafts and hobbies can soar -- courtesy of a Ceres-Pluto trine in fire signs (3:08AM PDT). Asteroid watchers should note that Juno enters Capricorn at 5:49PM PDT -- a cycle that lasts until January 21, 2009. Find new ways to empower your primary partnerships and realize

its more to the inspiration brot by Sun-Neptune
the fogginess of Neptune make things easier

And ive been contempplating abt my moon in pisces in 29.06 degrees is next to aries, so i braced into the near realm as soon as i had finished from the lecture , salam 2 frens, and i ustad, then chiooooonnggggg..then bus was slow so i walked to next bustop, saw 2 those 2 ppl walking, (aisyah!! /  forgot  guy name )  planning to talk  and took 198

will and impulsivity , wrote the 'ceremony of innocence' which only involve a praayer mat ,  a book abt gospel of judas, and nokia navigator?! haha gave up on thinking of an organized ritual, im not even catholic.

stayed up the whole night, contemplatingg and fighting my own perverse thoughts. devil -human-god .suddenly rmb constantine . "the road to salvation begins tonite" a real hit on. with gabriel ,and constantine.

DID EVERYTHING I CUD!!HOPE I DON BOTHER ON TYRANNY SELF.
GOALS FOR SELF ; BUSY BUSY BUSY ! theme parks full of red delights .
                                    EXERCISE -jogging /aerobic at home also can ,wenever the pangs come. Geez it
                                                           works 
                                    COMPLETEness


MDIS also helped me bring abt this change- "...alwyas look outside for inspiration but it comes fr within "
and i totally cannot ruminate abt olvl animore maybe the venus in saturn and uranus .fr one last time i want to feel it and release it after that :-O 

Dies Irae

hei, its the term break, and i dont even know it  only one day before it.
So there was no plan whatsoever. And then Camp Uni came to mind, so i joined. CCC things cant afford to join.
Let me keep this short, yeah .  -Exercis during holis , AR ?  -----health ,Orphenadrine
                                                       -Camp, Biennale Race   (turn back ffr camp )
                                                        -Going out 
                                                        -Working for  $$
                                                        -Gaming . REading
                                                        -study UTs, DPi
+++days routine


Doing these will keep me out from dying of boredom.

This week  really like an unproductive workshop or anything.  If i sell wine ,all will turn bad. (i still  rmb chemistry klesson on ethanol or smtg but nw it was all over "my next issue )

Job interview was jjust a job intro, than a real  intervview. My friend found this job at mocca ad, yh and wat propelled me to go with him is the 800 permonth ..hmmm  averaged it out fr normal paying jb to be ard 250 plus +/-..so thats quite a lump sum...but the boon is we dont know much abt this assisting manager on this product presentation thing..and we couldnt wait to finish the briefing to rush to the ghost trip (wic leads to my second point)

Ghost trip i've been waiting for. but din happened the last m inute. I thought going there before 8 or wen its dark would be bad so i  was rushing to go from th ejob interview, which wud have extended so that another manager could brief us more on the assignments. So in the end i missed both things, i did want to turn back after khalis texted me they were too tired to make it happen ,but it wud be "paisehpaiseh thing"' ppl don just go back where the left, its not resolute.

And I dont want to talk abt my friends in efficacy

Lesson halfway done ,there was science /.maths wic i left before 3rd meeting wic wud earned me partial and subsequently...ALL DONE IN THE NAME OF ....it waasnt realli that unfruit ful  cos i saw the face and the reaction of melinda and aswandy fr my group ,it was really heartening ,i dinnoe they cared or the least showd thier perturbation at somebdy going off in the midst of everything going on in side the class...but the unfruitful thing is that i lost my grade obvious ,and the feeling of not finishing something leaves something to be acomplished, wic leads me to disregard the quizes ,evalutaions all,rj  as its pretensious to be doing them when u din finish lesson properly. And also a public display of  "cioawing" ,wic has gotten synonymous with rp.

begging for another issue for my sch blog

Career coaching was really something that bad i need to clarify ....and this bitch could appear so childishly bashful...totally unmet of the desire and determination of the pinpoint cue to a  future endeavour.Thing is i have registered but was expeecting nuts for an email to appear, they say october is the activity.Nothing when i go up tp her thats the attitude she gave me. I f i miss this round then  i have to wait some time in year 2 , the time studying abt my own course, my future endeavour..>>Just   Fuck it ,the more nothing is certain ,the more ill become aimless .

I need somebody to show and tell me the way .(that one on one session)

AH

Oh my GOd ,

I got a lot of competing interest.  after school

1) IG
2) Burger King job
3) Meet somebody
4) Revise with friend

.........................what else?!!

Choose No
4) my friend was that poor..his laptop was sent for repair  and tuesday is our UT. Loan laptop also sold out.
Can anyone even think how hes gonna study for UT.
I have to help him out as friend during this time.      WAS THAT SUAY !?!? 

3)I have to go Town to meet somebody..hes free in the afternoon for this week,   but don know abt evening

Weds going there

2)the asshole called i can work, from last holiday... at Discovery Centre Jurong 5pm . u noe end at wat time....can leave early also lah


1) Adventure Racing
unexpected ig meeting on Monday...they think im free fr any days...i donoe whether  i want to depend mly frens only to come


Dilema Dilema ....Burindans Ass help me ...but luckily Choice one stand out from the other >>
if not i just go home lah :>  hehe 
TUESday still got more of thesee...stay tune

Sat
8-12Morning ROutine
2.30- 5-30Religious Class
6-9 ACRES warmcoming

Sun
       Tidy Up
        Find retail Job
       Lot1 Delifrance /return uniform
        Swim at CSC

This week has been really traumatising---- a string of  bad ,displeasing, awkward small events ...that i duaub the nighmare week.

It only started on weds i think,  mon and tues was  maybe building up ,then it all went dwn evne taking bits of sunday.  wic im writing it now. at 1345 . <hope wont

WEDNESDAY , 10/09/08
 as i woke up in the morning, i felt a little lazy to go sch.......tehn i rmmb my fren Hilman saying ,to pon/ciaow on Weds - wic i later find that it wasnt this week- whether he wilfully meant this week or next i don noe,....(i didnt even asked hm wic weds)...he tot he could play with his wds whic cost my ....lesoon gone- daily grades,, my fasting ,...my parents. 

ive been thinking hes taking me fr granted..i hv been the one doing everything...nvm if theres one person who has initiative -its me ..

THURSDAY 11/09/08
yh so i resolved that im going to be early, and enthusiatic tmr------it ws isyadi who triggerred this, i called hm, and he was in sch at 8,must hv st off rather early fr tampines to woodlands, wic i think snt necessary since the on-way bus 168 took 30min.and thats a shame to 963---so i went out ayt 730, and guess what i the string of buses came in while i was walking to the bustop,, so it was another 1/2 hour wen it arrives, so wen the first bustop din came i changed and that also din came, i changed to the 3rd bustop..i was crying and wailing on the phone talking to my mother abt this

 i was just trying to change, go out early, and im being repaid with this ,..i was heedless after that...walking not caring anybody

FRIDAY 12/09/08

The distress comes from school. I mean wen i first walk in, and said  'hi' out of the blue and 4 ppl din reply...my hush voisce and soft reply. ?!? make sense ? bt i was expecting hearty reply, bt there was nothing close.. my fren Fakhita came dwn with her thyroid weakness..sad news..we seem to take turns to be sick,
the whole time lesson, the fascilitator was lecturing us...and we haven time to do grp woork..and wen he finished ..i hd to rush out....to fill this youth camp form..and then call my fren -that hilman .hes just a wimp---i hv to went up to his class wen w said to wait downstairs...then we rush to friday prayer.
.another hindrance if i were to commit to God and religion  i was at a crisis after that i ,i missed the grps planning/preparations. for ppt.....i hv to come up at the spur of the moment. .....even after that i hd to rush to work....

and at work at Tampines,the advisor im working for ,apparently was another 'wimp' , he was suppose to at least call , or get his planner, and all my appt had to be rescheduled..his boss adviced me to inform everything,,like it was my fault, i was supposed t know everything. 

SATURDAY 13/10/09

it felt like friday thee 13th , i  blared at my mother  twice, i think. ..and i dunnoe to go sat  class,or slog out at delifrance . Delifrance wasnt a worthwhile choice . stupid trainer was yapping at me the whole time..even when i had only 2 eyes and 1 brain..maybee 1/2 of her brain cells were dead.

They expect me to know all work ethics..wen i gt no exp.

____________________________________________________

So thats a society whos presumptiousness and rigidness is so strangling my throat... so as always with every entry..the solution is confirmed that i will fly overseas and settle dwn and work.....now i think a desserts a thousand times better since they had oil. and abt those wimpy and blood quenching ,patience-grinding meatheads  frens and ppl mentioned above....they can live in this titsy misery island and sink themselves..

except for Fakhita whos not a 'breed' of this probably sunken island with a too much ppl, and houses squeezed in it. She flew in fr indonesia, bt grew up under these crcumstances.

I dont know whether to put this under blogspot---abt sch /study life or here itself . But its abt my what i like

So , i came across with this new model, Hp Pavillion dv4....in advs,,,,wic looks like this'


I wanted to buy another mlaptop cos this acer travelmate 4720 is so brittle, as i feel it different from the acer gemstone one, which is so smooth and shiny ...i do noe why somethign abt the plastic material in the new model makes its toyishly-safer than this.
 

theres been many times that my acer laptop cause prob,,,,first the cd compartment then the charging araea. its like prone to physical damage,....cos its like  veri insecure or smthg. i do noe y i just is..iii askthe acer repairer they say its the saeme, how u handle , off cos im smths careless or ruff, but the thing just sucks...

i shud hv choose this comp on fisrsdt impulse...since the other one serves much better,,..but the thing is ,..i cn see many ppl using so i din choose...i mainly want to feel kindda original/traditional...my fren say retro ..attachment to old things.//
first i liked abt the curving keyboard, then i find fault with the buttons cos its likke so easily pluced off...which it did happpened once wen i was in a fit of anger ...at my mother telling my father abt nt goin sat sch. i also tored one book along the way. buay tahan !!! then i suay fixed back the button, click herea nd there


so worried abt 1) brittle exterior the kind of material permitting accident 
                           2) button retraacts easily, may come off
                            3) screen is not a reflective surfaace,
almost all laptops are mirror like.and ppl can see easily the screen ,the mirror ones are so shiny,that they  blare the lighting.

So i resorted to buy another laptop, complained to my father "...im afraid that this laptop wud cause more accident...hw wussy is that ?! " bt its truelah. ald 2 repairs happen, the 2nd one neaerly kenna pay $30 if nt fr first time, leninence.  Might as well dump ,utch forever.
No maybe i can give my mother. shes been needing one. bt i hv to delete evrthng inside.
hatr
uying Hp COmpaq is much recent and cheaper than the pavilion...wateva lah as long i cn hv a new thing ???!!?
Only 1799 compared to 2199 of the pavillion variation bt i lk the pavillion, nice name, nice thing,,Seelah my father will comply or nt, hes gt some leaflets that he'll recommend bt i ald know wat i want

Plus i still need to configure everthg fr scratch...what a worm !!IT HELP DESK

(just used an angmo pic, just imagine that the faces are sien, and the girl facing u wud hv a worried expression )

I think i may7 have just drifted from my family  (of aunts and uncles) in the paternal side ?! Becos of what happened this evning,

It was a family gathering for breaking our fast , i decided to go for it,,,even though i had work fr 4 to 9 pm,,,bt told my talent hunt  agent ....i was sick..which i am still now....i may also be talkin abt this

So its useless that i went too my grandmas place for the breaking -of our -fast , as i squandered on it....first on letting my frustation wen i first came to the place....and stupid thing is that i tend to regard my frustration personal...bt my aunt was babbling at that time.,..it was an off just a stone throw-away fr my house -theres ppl at home....I was sgitated that my sisters didnt opened the gate ...wen i reached home

A wrong thing to take out on a gathering, but wen i rush dwn to my grandmas place to ask abt the house ,,there was like only a few family members there.....there was still a lot more to come ......after being frusttaraed i left ...i bath rather long...and wen i went dwn to her place ...everybody was like eating ald...and i went in as always late.......BUT THE STRANGE THING I FELT IT WAS ALL SULLEN ...i guessed it was on me for coming dwn with a temper earlier on......

my grandma was so kind enuf to offer the food,,,,,when others were busily eating...my mother was asking ,ok//// shud hv another aunt whos very affectionate to me..but she was praying at that time,.....so i took my food ,,.and as there was no space...my grandma asked me to eat in the kitchen...

there i was alone...then my favourite aunt came into the kitchen and asked hw im doing...>>>ok  so i str went to pray after that ...and id been thinking of leaving after praying,,,,,bt it wud be odd,,,then the oppurtunity came,as my father called me for the house keys ----which i totally forgt in my rush to my grandmas plc,,,so putting my disgruntled 'facade' i left the place...

My mom said i didnt say anything thats why,,,i feel estranged,,,bt wat was i suppose to say...??!wateva i just wont go to any further gatherings ...its useless. i shud focus on other things,,,family is a distant thing nw. i may hv to persuade my father to put me in complex wen i go uni- say NTU- COS HES WORKING THERE TOO.